Crispy skin and soggy thoughts
Ahhh....
The smell of the inside of a McDonalds on a Sunday afternoon is not exactly my idea of deliciousness. Well, I needed chocolate badly, and the $1 sundae is in my price range for such splurges. I am curious about everything...for instance; I wonder why I still feel like I haven't accomplished anything in my life? sure, it's easy for people to say, "My, but you've come so FAR..." But somehow that isn't striking up any encouragement in my loins. Am I to assume that having managed to survive the trials and tribulations of my life, that I should be content to simply exist?
I had a conversation with my 14 year old son today and asked him what colleges he was planning to apply to... he said matter-of-factly, "Cal-Tech of course." Such confidence and optimism. The sheer innocent beauty of it caused a lump in my throat. I wanted to devour his brain and renew my own eagerness... At 14 all I could think of was how I might manage to sneak my sisters out of the house to runaway in the middle of the night and start a new life somewhere else. California? Maybe. College? No.
So here I am: 35. Single. College student. Happy? Not exactly. Content to exist? Sure. Eager? Not so much.
Still nil on the Prince Charming horizon.
My neck, face, and arms are burnt from a sunscreen-free day of washing cars.
My cat had her kittens on my bed, ruining sheets, blankets, and pillowcases...with, well, you guess.
So what's the secret to all of this? That I should find the satifaction in the day's sunrise and sunset?
I managed to muster up enough enthusiasm to clean my house for a "potential" Prince Charming whom turned out to be just another toad. He says, "But I don't want to lead you on." Geez, how dare I think that having an intimate sexual incounter meant more that just sex? What's wrong with me thinking such self-respecting ideas?? The nerve!!!
So I'm back in the drowning pool, left forever to dog-paddle in the shallow depths of self pity. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel differently. Today I will just contemplate tomorrow's potential. I'll daydream of a successful, handsome, strong man, who'll ask me, "What do you want out of life?" And he'll grab me by my waist, and I'll whisper into his neck, "You..."
And today's bills, and debt, and dirty clothes, and dirty dishes, will be a distant memory.
The smell of the inside of a McDonalds on a Sunday afternoon is not exactly my idea of deliciousness. Well, I needed chocolate badly, and the $1 sundae is in my price range for such splurges. I am curious about everything...for instance; I wonder why I still feel like I haven't accomplished anything in my life? sure, it's easy for people to say, "My, but you've come so FAR..." But somehow that isn't striking up any encouragement in my loins. Am I to assume that having managed to survive the trials and tribulations of my life, that I should be content to simply exist?
I had a conversation with my 14 year old son today and asked him what colleges he was planning to apply to... he said matter-of-factly, "Cal-Tech of course." Such confidence and optimism. The sheer innocent beauty of it caused a lump in my throat. I wanted to devour his brain and renew my own eagerness... At 14 all I could think of was how I might manage to sneak my sisters out of the house to runaway in the middle of the night and start a new life somewhere else. California? Maybe. College? No.
So here I am: 35. Single. College student. Happy? Not exactly. Content to exist? Sure. Eager? Not so much.
Still nil on the Prince Charming horizon.
My neck, face, and arms are burnt from a sunscreen-free day of washing cars.
My cat had her kittens on my bed, ruining sheets, blankets, and pillowcases...with, well, you guess.
So what's the secret to all of this? That I should find the satifaction in the day's sunrise and sunset?
I managed to muster up enough enthusiasm to clean my house for a "potential" Prince Charming whom turned out to be just another toad. He says, "But I don't want to lead you on." Geez, how dare I think that having an intimate sexual incounter meant more that just sex? What's wrong with me thinking such self-respecting ideas?? The nerve!!!
So I'm back in the drowning pool, left forever to dog-paddle in the shallow depths of self pity. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel differently. Today I will just contemplate tomorrow's potential. I'll daydream of a successful, handsome, strong man, who'll ask me, "What do you want out of life?" And he'll grab me by my waist, and I'll whisper into his neck, "You..."
And today's bills, and debt, and dirty clothes, and dirty dishes, will be a distant memory.
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